Broken & Divine


Tulisan ini merupakan kontribusi oleh The Soul Sista’ (bukan nama yang sebenarnya)



I believe we all know that we are broken.

We have been broken since the day that we were born.

That’s why all the relationships between another human being have a great chance to fail. That’s why people keep falling in and out of love. That’s why people hurt one another. They don’t want to though, but when broken people having relationships with another broken people, doesn’t need a genius to know where it would lead.

But, the problem is, we don’t want to admit that we are broken.


Because to admit it means that we have to claim the responsibility to mend ourselves…to fix it. And in order to do that, we have to go down the rabbit hole and face our own shadows…our own demons.

But, it’s so scary to go down there…and then comes the defense mechanism by making excuses that we don’t have the time to go there. We have to feed our family, to support our lives in order to survive; we are just too tired from all our mundane affairs.

So, we start to look for religions to fix us. We start to look for our partner to save us from feeling so alone and unloved. We start to look for food and alcohols to numb the pain. We start to look for sex to distract us from listening to our inner voice. We start to look for money and power to fill our emptiness. We start to go from one party to another party, so that we could stop our cries at night.

And, yes…we are still broken.

Isn’t it ironic that after all of our hard works so that we could buy our dream house, and yet we still couldn’t feel at home. Isn’t it ironic that after we got married and have beautiful children, and yet we still feel lonely and unworthy. Isn’t it ironic that after all that so-called-high lifestyles we are living in, and yet we still feel empty.

Since nothing works out the way we hoped for, we started to blame our governments, we started to despise our partners, we started to condemn life, and we started to hate our parents. We just become more bitter and angrier, and our wounds got bigger and bigger.We become mean. We are basically more broken than we’ve ever been.

Once, someone said to me, “I wish life give us some kind of manual book so that we could live our life better.”

But, the thing is, life already gave us the way to live our life better. We just don’t believe it. Because, the truth is…it’s easier to blame others than to own our mistakes. It’s easier to just be a follower than to be a creator of our own life. It’s easier to blend with the crowds than to stand out. It’s easier to be in misery with others than alone (I guess that’s why they say misery loves company). It’s easier to live with our masked on than expose our real self to the world.

So, we start to read self-help books, go to spiritual retreats, meditate, and learn to a guru so that we could find the answer to why we feel so miserable…why life has been treating us so unkind, just to find out that the answer has been right in our heart all along. The answer is in the heart of all human being. The heart, that speaks with the language of love. And, it turns out that love is also the language of the universe. Love is the one language that encompasses all nations, religions, and tribes…but so is fear.

From the day we were born, we have spoken in the language of fear. Everything we do, almost everything, comes from fear as our starting point making any decisions. We got accepted in a university that our parents hoped for, because we had fear of disappointing them. Sometimes, the jobs that we do, the partners that we got married to, the kind of life that we lived in…all of it are based on our fear. Fear of rejections from our peers, fear of being the talked behind our backs, fear of failure, fear of death, etc.

And it has proven that living in the way of fear doesn’t really serve us well. The chaos is still happening everywhere, and in fact, it’s getting messier and seems uncontrollable. We saw it on the news. We read it in the newspaper. We feel it in our heart.

So, why not give love a chance now? Yes, it’s hard. I know that to be very true. Sometimes, I have to face the bigger chaos that I’ve ever known in order to cross from the state of fear to the state of love. Sometimes, it makes me feel so depressed.

Why is that so, you might ask…

Well, when I’m finally dealing face to face with my own shadows…my own demons…it feels like my body is being ripped. Death seems to pull me closer to it. Scary, huh?! Because in order to live with our true self…we need to kill our other self. I guess that’s why they say that we need to die in order to transform. But, in the end, we would be able to feel so good about ourselves, so liberated…we finally have our freedom…our true freedom. And then, life becomes so much meaningful than before…not just living it like a zombie.

We were born broken not because we were condemned. But, because we want to challenge ourselves…we just don’t want to admit it. We want to grow. We want to know our capacity to love the Divine in our brokenness. And, that is our purpose in life.

So, make use of your heart more. Listen to it. We don’t need any degree to listen to it. We don’t need expensive cars and clothes to be able to dance with it.  We don’t need the newest gadgets to love our life and others. We just need to open it, so that when we are facing the true death, fear won’t be there to diminish our worthiness of being One with the Divine…and, yes…we are already One indeed. Isn’t that what life is all about…?!


This Soul Sista’ loves to read, write, eat, travel, and to enjoy a cup of coffee…and yeah…dogs!

I also do some cards reading by online, if there’s anybody interested, just contact me:

Email: / YM! thesoulsista


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